How to pray when you don't know how to pray but want to

If there’s one thing that has been consistent and steady my entire life, it’s that I had parents who prayed for us. Prayer was a part of every season of life. Recently during Christmas, my brother said “I always felt safe going into the world because I knew mom prayed for me”.

Every morning, never missed a beat. Before she left the house and before bed, she would pray. My sister and I used to share bedrooms and pray every night before bed. My mom made sure we had a Bible next to us in our nightstand.

And when you’re a child, your prayers are so simple and innocent.

9 year old me would say something like,

“Dear God, I pray for the world to be in peace.” *Proceeds to pray for a list of people including those fighting in the war overseas. until I fell asleep praying. I would fall asleep so soundly like it was the most comforting thing in the world.

There were no use of fancy words, no overthinking- just pure innocent hearted honesty.

But as we get older, we learn how to be more buttoned up, more polite, more put together. Our prayers turn into a formal, structured thing we do to check off the list. We focus too much on the right words, or if you’re like me and ended up going to a Catholic church you focused too much on memorizing the right words and forget the intention and the heartbeat of why we pray at all. We worry about how our prayers sound and if we’re doing it right or not. We stop being as raw. We try to fit into the world’s expectations of how we should sound, act or speak and we carry those same expectations into how we should pray. It’s not meant to be a space to memorize words but to relate them to God. It’s about relationship.

But our prayer time is the one sacred place we can go to without feeling the need to be polished — just pure.

Maybe that’s what my brother meant when he said he felt safe because our mom prayed for him. It wasn’t about the perfect prayer being said, but the constant, unwavering belief and knowing that no matter how crazy or complicated or scary the world felt, he had someone sending out sincere words to God to protect him and it made him feel safe.

It’s not just words, it’s an energy exchange between you and the Father.

It’s about spiritual intimacy over religious performance.

Because maybe if you’re someone who wants to pray more often in your life, it’s not that you stopped believing in God, it’s that you stopped knowing how to talk to him.

So here’s a few unpolished thoughts on how to pray when you don’t know how to pray but want to.

Approach the prayers like a sacred conversation you’re having with God as if he is your best friend. There is no one else in the room, only you and Him.

Drop any facade you’re wearing. The one you put on in front of others when you’re trying to project a certain image of yourself. The one who needs to have it all perfectly thought out before you say the thing you want to say and bring your full self to the table. Trust that He isn’t moved by how eloquently spoken you are but by how honest you are.

Express your gratitude because God responds quickly when we are grateful.

No matter what the circumstances are that you’re going through, if you slow down enough, you will always find something to be grateful for.

Too many of us only turn to prayer when we desperately need something and we disappear the next day until we need something again so it’s important that we ground every prayer in praising God by declaring what we’re grateful for.

Then have at it…..lament.

Cry it out.

Feel it out.

Be as honest as you can possibly be.

Vent like you’re an 8 year old all over again.

Remove the masks. Unwind. Name the ‘problem’ that you’re currently sitting with.

Ask to receive Divine wisdom and guidance.

Then sit in complete silence.

Don’t rush into the next moment.

Just pause and listen.

When my husband and I pray in this way, sometimes we receive the wisdom right away, other times, it’s revealed to us days later or months later or sometimes not at all or at least in the way we expect it to.

But this silent moment of pause always brings some kind of clarity.

Then take a deep breath and trust that there your prayers will be answered.

Maybe not right away, but the answer will show up on it’s own Divine timing.

Every problem will turn into opportunities.

There is no force or striving necessary.

And sometimes, it’s okay for your prayer to just sound like complete silence because you have nothing to say at all but you feel something. Trust that when you take whatever that burden is that you’re feeling and you bring it to God despite not knowing what to say, that He will still meet you exactly where you are because his yoke is light and easy.

It’s time for our generation to stop putting a wedge between us and growing in our personal relationship with God because we have some idea in our heads that it’s supposed to look a certain way.

It gets to be your very own special relationship- not your moms, your friends, your favorite podcaster or your pastors.

It’s time to return to the prayers that once made you feel safe enough to fall asleep mid-sentence.

It’s time to treat our prayers like a refuge not a presentation in front of the entire history class (yikes, those days were rough)

It’s time to remember that faith isn’t about perfection.. it’s about presence.

It’s about showing up as you are and letting God meet you there.

Your prayer time is where love begins and striving ends.

It’s where you get to remember how held you are— before the answers come, before anything changes, before you feel courageous again.

So here’s my invitation to you, to pray like you have the faith of a little child.

Pray like someone who knows that they are loved no matter how many flaws or mistakes they’ve made.

Pray like someone who doesn’t need to get it right to be heard.

And when you’re done saying what you want you say…

Rest easy.

Because the same God who receives your unpolished prayers is the same God who carries the weight of the outcome.

How gracious.

How merciful!🍵

Warmly,

P.S. I did not re-read this because I’ve got babies to take care of so excuse any typos :)